Calvin Always Says It Best

Caution: He Seems Wonderful

Angela, take it slowly. Be friends first? Don't over-analyze, don't obsess, don't anticipate, don't predict, don't imagine the future. Basically, don't do everything you've been doing. Just wait and see what happens, okay?

Love After Love

The time will come
when, with elation
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror
and each will smile at the other's welcome,

and say, sit here. Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was your self.
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you

all your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,

the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life.

Derek Walcott

Aw, Shucks

what is the first thing you noticed about me the first time we hung out?
[Travis Jones]
23:35
like recently?
even the first time we hung out after a few years the first thing i noticed was u were still shy and smiley
[You]
23:36
yes. as in, you hadn't seen me in years and probably never in an i'm-interested-in-her sort of way.
ah. okay.
[Travis Jones]
23:37
and it made me smile just like in junior high
ur shy smiley ways always made me feel wanted and special
[You]
23:37
whaaaat. i never made you smile in jr high
[Travis Jones]
23:37
it was like junior high cute all over again
i ate up ur shy attention every day i was just too proud to say i liked it

Fuck, It's Cold!

"I think the beauty of winter extends far beyond aesthetics; there's something brutally gorgeous about living in a harsh, unforgiving climate. Some people are tried through fire, but we're tried through the ice and snow. Think about that tomorrow morning when your goddamn car won't start, it's 30 below, and your lungs seize up from the cold." -Nicolle R.

I got up at 3 a.m. to start my car so I could make sure it would start when I leave for work at 9 this morning. Unfortunately I felt more awake at 3 than I do now. : /

I seriously need to update shit on here. I've started to procrastinate about this now, too. Wtf?

Ilunga

Eric and I had dinner together earlier this week because he is moving back to Duluth without me. I miss Duluth. I want to move back, too. I was nervous about dinner, a little, but mostly I was nervous because I wasn't nervous. Maybe I was nervous because I was afraid he was going to say what he said...or because I was afraid he wouldn't...?
Dinner was okay, maybe even fun. It was good to see him. He has gained some weight (organic angela and her weirdo foods aren't around, so he is probably eating frozen pizzas and, yes, a lot of it is probably beer) and his hair has thinned even more, but I still feel attracted to him. We went for thai food. Predictably, he had spicy meat and I had mild tofu with lots of cilantro. At one point he bit into a thai chili and almost choked because it was so spicy. I had a good chuckle. Why is he so adorable sometimes?

I will edit this later and finish it. I need to go to sleep - aka: I need to go lie down and hug Smallish Bear. Alone. Without Eric.

Andrea: "I think it's good that you have so many wonderful memories with Eric. People will remember the difficult times because for some reason watching someone you love cry stands out more than watching them laugh."

Why English SUCKS

The first is the story of my life. "l'esprit de escalier"

I am in love with the second. "waldensamkeit"

All of these words made me feel something when I read them. I wonder if in some language there is a word that combines the feeling of anxiety and heartache I have been experiencing so often lately due to something I cannot quite pinpoint.

Eric and I had dinner the other night. We both cried. Saudade occurred. My heart is broken.