Thank You, Bridget Jones

"Resolution #1: Uggg - will obviously lose 20 lbs. #2: Always put last night's panties in the laundry basket. Equally important: will find nice sensible boyfriend and stop forming romantic attachments to any of the following: alcoholics, workaholics, sexaholics, commitment-phobics, peeping toms, megalomaniacs, emotional fuckwits, or perverts. Will especially stop fantasizing about a particular person who embodies all these things."

For Real:
1.) Be more productive. For fuck's sake, what are you doing with your time?! Facebook, Harry Potter audio books, this shit...?
2.) Find a REAL job.
3.) Make a decision about something - do something! Join Lutheran Volunteer Corps, move, etc! Quit bitching about your job and where you live if you're not going to DO anything about either of them.
4.) Stop obsessing about finding a relationship. You're fine on your own. Fuck men. (But don't actually fuck them, okay?)
5.) On that note...quit calling Eric. He has nothing to offer you. What good could come of it?! If you fall back into that trap, so help me...
6.) You have been exercising with some regularity. Good for you! Keep it up!
7.) Clean with regularity. Don't wait to wash the dishes till you need a bowl.
8.) De-clutter. Get rid of some of that useless crapola.
9.) Read more!
10.) Get a regular sleep schedule (hopefully will come with new job).

Drastic Measures

[You]
I'm thinking about doing something drastic.
[Cody]
00:55
Ought I to ask?
[You]
00:55
moving far away, joining the peace corps, who knows...
i just don't want to do anything alone. it is my biggest fear - doing new/scary things alone.
and maybe that is all the more reason for me to do it?

Another DOUCHEBAG!

Ang: so...?

Jake: You're right. I have been avoiding hangin out. Im really not looking for a relationship. Sorry if you feel as though I miss led [sic] you.

----
Ang: FWD:You're right. I have been avoiding hangin out. Im really not looking for a relationship. Sorry if you feel as though I miss led [sic] you.

Anna: Wow. He TOTally mislead u...

Becky: I feel no pity for him anymore
-----

Ang: Jake, why would you do that? I don't understand.

Jake: (silence)


Today I found this out about Jake, got hit on by some old creeper man tripping on LSD at work, and found out that a girl I worked at camp with for a couple summers died in a car accident on Friday and (I just found out today) that another person from camp died in Iraq six months ago. Today SUCKS.

Never...

watch P.S. I Love You after getting stood up (on Christmas).

Merry Christmas. You're Alone.

Jake stood me up.

I looked very cute today. And I wore my pretty bra. And my legs are all smooth (I even WAXED them). And my bag was all packed. And the inscription was already written in the book.

Remember how Jake had asked me for my address? I thought maybe when I got back home tonight I would find something in my mailbox from him. Then today wouldn't have been a total disappointment. Then I wouldn't have to feel like my last shred of hope in MANkind had just shat on my heart. I had some coupons, an electric bill, and 3 cards - grandma, the dr with the kid i was dating, and my (now ex)brother-in-law.

Fuck. that. shit.

I came home to my cat. And cried.

Wow

I just saw on FB that someone used "who'se." WTF is that? Dumbasses... I mean, I know I still mess things up every now and then, but seriously? Who'se? From where would that even come? C'mon, folks. Let's at least work on attaining a general grasp of things...

Cantadas de Amor

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=btgzttXxp7o
Joy Williams - What Can I Do (But Love You)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=crTc1V34m8g
Tracy Chapman - The Promise

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CbMeAOTPJzM
Cat Power - Sea of Love

Brunch

[Jacob]
01:01
yeah. it's not that bad actually. i really like getting up eaRLY ON THE WEEKENDS! whoa caps lock.
[You]
01:02
lol
:)
early on weekends?
weekends are when you sleep in, goofy
[Jacob]
01:03
yeah well sleeping for me is 530am :):)
[You]
01:03
ideally, weekends are for sleeping in, sex, then getting up and making pancakes, and then going back to bed
only...i need gf panckes. which is okay.
[Jacob]
01:05
seriously! so i know this is premature but do you want to get married cause you just said all the magic words in the perfect order :):)
haha
[You]
01:05
lol
if you think you could handle GF panckes, it's a deal. ;);)
[Jacob Miller]
01:06
I think I could handle GF pancakes ;);)
[You]
01:06
:)

ang: fasting nap = all-consuming nap of death
jake: did you really fast all day? i ended up having 2 slices of sammy's pizza a couple of hrs ago. my buddy got them 4 me 4 helpin him out with his car.
ang: you stinkerbutt! i want pizza! : P yeah, i had juice and tea. it did not lead to a productive day...nor a pleasant angela. : P i don't know that i would do this again. bleh
jake: OMG the pizza was so good angela! ; ) you should probably go eat something.
ang: aw, shush your cute face. : P
i will be fine. i shall just drink more juice. i am kind of stubborn and don't want to quit. haha. : )
jake:Good for you! i think it would be easier if i had someone to do it with. if say we were together 4 the day. ya know?
ang: agreed. and not in my apt where there is this pancake mix... ; )
jake: you resisted pancakes! you are a seriously strong willed woman : ) we could do it at my place, i don't have any pancake mix.
*pause*
jake: oh, wait...doin' it on the weekend requires pancake mix, nevermind hehe ;) jk
ang: i was like did that just go over his head or was he embarrassed and ignoring it? : )
jake: haha :) not embarassed. just not sure what to say...is it getting warm in here or is it just me.... :) yowza!
ang: well, you've gotta keep that bodhi hot... (bodhi is what we decided he was going to name his plant last night, which he says is tropical and makes him feel like he needs to keep his apt warm.)
ang: oh my gosh. taht [sic] one was terrible. bahaha. : )
jake: haha :) not to worry im pretty sure i'm putting off enough heat for the whole apt. building! Now how do you expect me to sleep when ive got these angela induced pancake thoughts running through my mind...;)
ang: hmm. i ugess you need someone to give you a back massage and rub your hair till you fall asleep.... i udnno what to tell you. you're SOL, i guess. sweet dreams..
jake: gosh, if only i had someone to do that for me...
ang: you'd best get on that, i guess.
jake: i suppose i should. id really to get 2gether with you angela. hopefully i'll be around this weekend. id really like to get to know you better :)
ang: ditto. : )

If I Were A Witch...

House: Hufflepuff
Wand: 10 1/4" Willow with unicorn hair core
Willow wood is very flexible, making this wand especially good for charms. Wands with unicorn hair cores such as this one typically choose witches and wizards who are pure of heart. This wand is similar to Lily Potter's wand.
Patronus form: Just like Nymphadora Tonks and Remus Lupin, you have the Wolf. Wolves bring faithfulness, an inner strength and intuition. You have the capacity to make quick and firm emotional attachments and trust your insights about these attachments. You take control of your life and do so with harmony and discipline. You use the your inner power and strength to take risks and face your deepest fears. You are fiercely loyal to your friends and will defend them to your last breath.
Boyfriend: Neville Longbottom
Magical Creature: Troll
Oops, you are a troll! That doesn't mean you are a complete idiot, it only means you have your head in the clouds. You are absent-minded and naive. You forget things often but when people insult you, you're not scared to fight back. You are really tall, and trolls aren't known for their floral smell.
Character: Luna Lovegood
You are Luna. You're daydreamy and I have no idea why you're on the computer instead of fishing for fresh water plimpies.

Fucking Pants!

i had to buy new pants because my jogger's butt doesn't fit in my pants anymore. : / i tried on (literally) 33 pair of pants and found 4 that fit. isn't that disgusting? i wish i could just say, "Hey, my waist is this big and my legs are this short." But no. I had to try an 8 short and 8 medium, a 10 short and a 10 medium (in the 515 AND the 505 AND the 525 AND the 526). Straight leg, wide leg, curvy, slender, etc, etc, etc. In one instance there were even two 8 mediums that fit differently. SICK, is what that is. I actually started to cry a little bit. i am not fat. i should not have this hard of a time finding pants. i stood there and stared at my thighs and my hips and my muffin-top caused by the pants that were too long and too tight in the waist and I HATED MY BODY. Shopping is so bad. I know I'm beautiful...in my own way. I know that I shouldn't care that I'm 5'3" and, as my father would say, built like a brick shithouse. i'm solid and not...twiggy. so pants don't fit me. end of story.

My Love Life (aka My Texting Life)

All last weekend I was antsy, waiting to hear from Jake. I'd told myself I had to wait till Tuesday to talk to him again. I made it till Monday.
Ang: have you fallen off the edge of the earth? : )
Jake: No, just really busy this weekend n had a 330am start at work today so im kind of exhausted n pretty much just have time to eat, sleep, n work. Its gonna be like this till xmas break at lsc.
Jake:It kinda sux...but whatever :)
Ang: yikes. no wonder your immune system shut down! at least you can feel your break is well-deserved. are you going to florida? i can't imagine a tropical xmas. : )
Jake: Nope. Not sure what im gonna do for xmas. Have to work xmas eve, xmas is on a saturday, n i have to work the following monday. Xmas in florida isnt my fav anyway. Las time i was there my fam didn't even celebrate it, no tree, no nothin. They can be a real drag sometimes..
Jake: Maybe next year i can havv a real tropical xmas vacation to hawaii with my girlfriend :)
Ang: that's lame. well, i am heading north after i get off work xmas eve and i work the evening shift on sunday...but if you decide to hang around and want to do something, my family has a 20 ft tree and goes all out with church and dinner and all that shit. i'm sure they wouldn't mind if i dragged a friend along. : )
Jake: Ill keep that in mind. Thanks for the invite :) that sounds nice, im totally into 20 ft trees, goin to church, n all that shit ;)
Ang: haha. sorry. i have the voice of a 5 year-old but i grew up in the garage and can cuss like a sailor sometimes. "angela rose, how you talk," says my mother.
Ang: well, hang in there! it's almost over! i'm proud of you for working so hard and following your dreams. : )
Jake: No worries. Its kinda cute : )
Ang: haha. that def mkes it into the top 10 strangest compliments I've been given by attractive men. : ) don't forget to breath and sleep well, early bird!
Jake: U hang in there too. And thank you :) Ill try to do a better job of keepin in touch.

Then, knowing full well that he likes Yoga from having seen his match.com profile, I sent him this:

Angela ʚϊɞ 30 November at 09:01
I don't know if you're into this sort of thing, but this video always helps me relax. I usually put some naturey-sounding music on with it. Sounds like you could use 30 min of de-stressing. : )
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-4628036076291757842#
Free Hatha Yoga Video Class - My Yoga Online TV DVD
video.google.com

Jacob 30 November at 15:24 Report
Thanks! I usually do yoga for an hour and a half once every week, it's a great workout and it's really relaxing. I haven't done it for a couple weeks now because I've been too busy and too tired, but I'll give this try when I have more time come mid December. I'm kind of really into fitness and nutrition and try to do a variety of workouts, including streching and yoga, throughout the week when I have time, so thanks again for that :)

I'm so nervous. I like Jake so much. I think we could be wonderful together. I'm nervous that he could really, really get me...like maybe nobody has gotten me before, but at the same time, what if he turns out to be douchey like all the others? I mean, from what I know of him, there is no chance of that, but how well do I really know him? There was an attractive, light-haired, hippyish sort of guy who ordered two (specifically) vegetarian soups from me yesterday and I helped him carry them to his dark-haired wife who was (publicly) breast-feeding their baby at the table. I couldn't help but imagine it was Jake and me. They were adorable, hippyish, had the right color hair and builds, and he seemed intelligent and quiet in a non-shy sort of way...and I just like him so much! It's all terribly cheesy, I'm aware.

Please, Jake. Please be everything I'm thinking/hoping you are.

At My Funeral

"To the well organized mind, death is but the next great adventure." -Albus Dumbledore

Spirit In the Sky - Norman Greenbaum

(Featured at the beginning of the last HP book)
Death is but crossing the world, as friends do the seas; they live in one another still For they must needs be present, that love and live in that which is omnipresent. In this divine glass, they see face to face; and their converse is free, as well as pur. This is the comfort of friends, that thought they may be said to die, yet their friendship and society are, in teh best sense, ever present, because immortal. -William Penn, More Fruits of Solitude


Magic Carpet Ride - Steppenwolf

Birth is a beginning
And death a destination
And life is a journey
From childhood to maturity
And youth to age;
From innocence to awareness
And ignorance to knowing;
From foolishness to discretion
And then, perhaps, to wisdom;
From weakness to strength,
Or strength to weakness -
And, often, back again;
From offense to forgiveness.
From loneliness to love,
From joy to gratitude
From pain to compassion,
and grief to understanding -
From fear to faith;
From defeat to defeat -
Until, looking backward or ahead,
We see that victory lies
Not at some high place along the way,
But in having made the journey,
Stage by stage,
A sacred pilgrimage.
Birth is a beginning
And death a destination.
And life is a journey,
A sacred pilgrimage -
To life everlasting.
-Reform Judaism Prayer Book

Confession

I miss Eric. I miss Eric every fucking day. EVERY. FUCKING. DAY. Admitting this "out-loud" makes me bawl. I woke up Thanksgiving morning and was excited to check my FB to see if I had a message from Jake, but at the same time I was thinking about how Eric and I always play-fought over the cranberries on Thanksgiving. I miss how he smells (he always put his deodorant on his chest bc he knew i loved the smell and then it was in my face when i hugged him), the weird face he makes when he is trying to get his ears to pop, him asking me to rub his hair, the cute way he scrunches up his nose when he laughs and how sometimes, when he gets going so hard, he giggles like a little girl...

My mom said, "Do you miss Eric or do you miss having somebody?" I said, "Mom, I miss Eric. Of course I miss Eric." She said she never missed my Dad after she left him. WTfuck? I married Eric because I never wanted to be without him. Ever. And now I am. For-ever.

Reflections On a Snowy Eve

What is it about the holiday season that makes me feel so good? EVERYthing!

Tonight at work a pleasant couple came in for some soup. They had just bought their tree at the tree spot across the street, whose smell I've been thoroughly enjoying all week, and were enjoying the heavy snowfall. The husband told me that he and his wife had lived in Texas for 10 years and that we are so blessed to have this snow. I told him I have a friend (this would be Jake) whose family lives in Florida and that I'd asked him if he was going there for Christmas and said that I couldn't imagine a tropical Christmas. We laughed and I showed him the picture on my phone of my driveway back home my Mom had sent me the other night with the sun setting behind the snowy trees. While they were eating their soup I surprised them with hot cocoas and said, "I decided that tree shopping and soup eating in a blizzard requires some hot cocoa."

After work I walked to my car, which was parked by the tree place. The Christmas music, the heavy snow, the smell of the trees and the glow of the lights...I just love it. I spent 5 or 6 minutes smiling and brushing all the snow off my car. Then I drove slowly home with the windows rolled down (in a blizzard) and listened to the Christmas carol station.

When I got home my neighbor, Sam, was outside shoveling the parking lot. I left my doors open so we could listen to that Black man with the scratchy voice sing that one Christmas song (really specific, I'm aware) and helped him finish shoveling. Snow brings folks together, I think.

I love winter! I love how everybody is so kind to each other during the holiday season! I love Christmas lights on snow-capped houses! I love seeing dreidels, chocolate coins, and cookies with blue sprinkles for sale! I love the smell of the cold, fresh air outside and catching snowflakes on my tongue, bundling up and my mukluks. I love buying little presents for my Mom's stocking, etc., etc.





Happy 4th Day of Hannukah! Wooowie!

Thanks for America, Amen

I am thankful for:
-being a sarcastic turd
-recently being reunited with my best friend from 8th grade
-my awesome mustard colored corduroy pants
-my fat cat who makes me feel not-quite-so-alone
-the fact that i have so many warm/cute sweaters i can't fit them in my drawers
my grandma, who called me back in as i was pulling out of the driveway to give me gas money when i know she really just wanted another hug
-the UU church i recently started attending (i'll have to blog about that later)
-tomorrow is my first single holiday since i was 17...weird
-harry potter audio books <3
-my bff and her fiance with whom i will be spending dinner : )
-people like jake who spend their thanksgiving serving others

I will stop now for the sake of going to sleep. : )

Happy Thanksgiving.javascript:void(0)

Fixing the Drawer

The day before ANY holiday at my mother's is ridiculous. She gets so stressed out that it is pointless to talk to her or even go into the kitchen for anything. I tried to hide in the bathroom today while I was there because I wanted to be out of ear/eyeshot (eyeshot? i dunno), but even that wasn't good enough. It bothers her when people aren't doing things and she is. It makes me crazy. It's not that she wanted/needed my help (she even said this), and I certainly didn't want to be in there with her at this point, but it was just the fact that I was laughing on the phone with Anna while she was mashing potatoes that was bothering her. I told her to get over it. Sometimes I can't understand if it is because we are too similar or too different that we can't get along.
The title of this post dates back to Jr High. Tyler was over and my mother was going nuts-o about something and listing off all these things she had to do. At the end of the list she was like, "And I have to fix the drawer!" Apparently the bread drawer had slipped off the track and, let me ask, what the hell would we do without that bread drawer?! Life as we know it... I texted Ty this morning and said, "My mother needs to fix the drawer today. Dear God, please pray for me." She replied, "HAHAHA! Of course she does!" : P
I love my mother. She is an amazing woman. But holidays...no. I can feel my blood pressure increasing as I write this. I tried to explain to her today that nobody cares if the dishes/silverware match. That nobody cares what we eat...that we (and I would sooo not be included - I'd have a "speenful of poonut butter") could be having KFC because it's really just that everyone is together that makes it special. Yeah. She didn't buy it.
(I feel the need to say something nice because the above was kinda nasty. My mother had a heating pad in the bed for me when I got to her house at 1 this morning. Pretty sweet, huh?)

Jake update:

Here are two texts from yesterday I thoroughly enjoyed:
"Well drive safe tonite angela and dont text and drive even if i send u a bunch of texts asking u intriguing questions that demand answers ; )"
I said, "haha. thank you and don't tempt me. ; )"
"Haha. Well, i could probably text u all nite, but if i don't try to get sum sleep im gonna be one tuckerd out dude come 3am. Goodnite angela!"

We had discussed the possibility of hanging out today after he was out of class. He said if he didn't have to go pick up his friend on The Range (my replacement as Jake's serving buddy for Thanksgiving dinner) that he'd be free. I texted him this afternoon and said, "What's the word, hummingbird?" To which he responded, "The bird is the word..hehe : ) its unfortunately a no go. i'm leaving to go get my buddy rite now. But were gonna make this happen one of these days. Mark my words : )"

I looked so fucking cute today. I painted my nails and shaved (again!), wore my date outfit I was supposed to wear on Sunday...I even packed extra clothes should I have happened to get snowed in at his house (which was my honest-to-God hope all along, as we have weather warnings up the arss...).
Whatever. His text-spelling bugs me, anyway. (Not that much...I am just grumpy and trying to focus on the negatives rather than how excited I was to see him finally and how all I want to do is listen to him talk and kiss his tattoo. Fuuuck.)

I'm gonna ask him to come down for the Mason concert and if that fails, I'm done. It'll be up to him to figure something out after that. Ugh.

Moving Up and On

I met Jake a week before I got married. I remember thinking to myself that he was cute and really cool, and someone I could like. Then I got married. My friend Anna liked him off and on, off and on, off and on. Haha. Jake minored in my major, so we had quite a few classes together...including Theology of Women. That's right. Jake is a feminist. How sexy is THAT? Quite.

Jake was someone I talked to quite a bit about Eric's drinking and stuff while we were in school, and even a bit after we got out. The night of graduation (while Eric was out drinking) I stayed up until 3:30 am knitting Jake a scarf. He was moving to Florida (why I thought he'd need a scarf there is beyond me...), and I thought I would never see him again. I swear to you I didn't have any romantic feelings for him, but he is such a great person and I never really had many guy friends...it was sad to imagine losing him.

My friend Becky had a few classes with us. Here are her thoughts on the subject:
"Yes, yes, tears of joy, yes. I guess I just thought it would be the ultimate fulfillment of destiny for the Prince and Princess of TRS to wind up together."

A little while after I'd left Eric, Jake and I were chatting online. He asked me if I had any single friends for him and I told him Anna was single. He said that she wasn't really his type and, to get a better idea of what is, I asked him what his type is. Here is what he said (that's right. i emailed it to myself. stop judging me, asshole):
16:49Jacob

um...brunette, kind of a hippie, non-judgmental, friendly and has good will toward all people, not consumed with material things...

enjoys the outdoors, kinda low key..
16:50Me

hmm.

Interesting.
16:50Jacob

Someone I can have an educated conversation with!

That's a biggie!

I paused for a second and said to him something like, "Hmm. Interesting. I feel like that's kind of how I would describe myself if I were having a good self-esteem day." And he said something like, "That's how I would describe you, too. There aren't many girls out there like that." Now. Why I didn't just drive up there and jump his bones is beyond me. I'm dumb. Instead we now do this kind of stuff:


[Jacob]
09:02
Like it's impossible to find someone I can have a good laugh with and still have a good intelligent converstation with.
Well at least you're trying Angela!
[You]
09:03
I guess.
You know...I feel the same way.
[Jacob]
09:07
I think when I have more time I'm gonna get a puppy..they always gets the attention of good single women, right? A conversation started ;);)
If not at least i'll have a cute puppy to keep me company.
[You]
09:08
Haha. It would get my attention for sure.
[Jacob]
09:08
See, just the idea is working!
[You]
09:08
But, then again...I would probably go on a date with you even if you didn't have the puppy. :):)
[Jacob]
09:09
Haha, that's very kind of you to say!
[You]
09:10
you're welcome.
[Jacob]
09:12
I haven't been on a date in a long time!

I threw myself out there in the road and he squashed me! Payback, I guess? But later on in the same conversation...

[Jacob]
09:34
it's sp strange. I feel like I'm all alone on some of these perspectives. I was the only one at leaf erickson park this morning watching the most beautiful sunrise I've ever seen and I found myself asking, "why are there any other people here." Am I really the only one that values these sort of things?
"aren't"
The whole city should have been there! Where is everybody!?
[You]
09:35
so you just went alone?
[Jacob]
09:35
What are they doing? What are they thinking about?
Yeah, I don't know anyone that gets up at 6am on saturday and sunday :(:(
[You]
09:36
probably most of them were sleeping. or in a college town...a lot of themw ere probably still drunk. :/:/
i used to. I miss it.
i've sort of become hte opposite. i don't know that i like it.
if i were in duluth still i would totally come watch the sunrise with you.
[Jacob]
09:38
And being there alone makes me feel like a loser. But, I'm pretty sure I'm a winner and winners watch the sunrise :):)
[You]
09:38
hahaha. for sure, jake. for sure.
[Jacob]
09:38
Well, next time you're here on a weekend we'll have to do that.
[You]
09:39
:):) deal

We were supposed to do it last weekend! Then a blizzard happened! Then this happened, which made me even more anxious:
Nov. 17th
Jake:
Goodmorning! Are u gonna be in duluth 4 thanksgiving?
Ang:
Hi! No, i work in the morning and then my best friend and her fiance are making dinner. why, what's up?
Ang:
do youhave any family up here? tyler told me i could ask a friend to dinner and i haven't yet. i'm sure they wouldn't mind if you came. : ) i think it'd be fun!
Jake:
Im volunteering at the decc delivering meals. I was gonna see if u wantd to come with.
Ang:
oh, wow. that's awesome, jake! i would totally take you up on that if i didn't work. i've never done that for a holiday. sounds intense. maybe christmas eve?
Jake:
No family here. I'm probably gonna stay in duluth tho. Ive gotta work friday morning : ( and with the thursday volunteering and all...
Jake:
Thanks 4the invite though!
Jake:
Its thru ups for the free tday buffet thats held at the decc every year. It should be fun. Im not sure im gonna be around for 4xmas...


So now we were supposed to do the sunrise yesterday. I was so f'ing nervous. I'd already made chai and scones to take with the first time, so now I made the second batch. Then I sent this message to Becky: "i did NOT burn 2/6 scones. yay. my chai is disgusting. it is 3:17 and i have to work at 10. hahaha. i am ridiculous. i am so nervous-excited i think i might faint when i see him. oh, dear. i got a pair of mustard-colored cords on clearance at old navy for 8 bucks. boy, he is gonna fall in love with me. ; )" To which she replied: "Yay! So you have two scones and nothing to drink...but you have new pants...and freshly waxed legs underneath? Perfect."

Here is the rest of the story, via texting, as i have determined he is not a phone person:

Hey, Jake. Are you awake? : )
Jake:
Yeah, but im in bed. I caught a cold, i feel awful : (
Ang:
oh, sweetie! (<--smooth, right? he's sick, i can say that... : P) that's terrible! do you need something from the drug store? or some emergen-c? i am getting a cold, too, i think.
Jake:
You're too sweet : ) but no thank you. I stalked [<---sic lol] up on supplies after work yesterday. Are you in duluth?
Ang:
Almost. i am running late to my brother's game and i forgot my shower basket. too spacey...
Ang:
let me know if you have a miraculous recovery and want to hang out tomorrow. feel better! i will send you healthy thoughts. : )
At this point my phone ate a text message. I kept hoping it would come back, but it didn't. I hadn't seen who it was from.
Ang:
did you send me another message? my phone ate one awhile ago and i didn't see who it was sent by. haha. sorry. i'll let you sleep. : P
Jake:
I hope u hav fun at ur brothers game n thank you for the healthy thoughts : ) i will definitely call you if i'm feelin better tomorrow.
Jake:
That was the last message i sent you. Have a good nite, drive safe, sleep tight : )

Nov 20th
Ang:
Are you alive? : )
Jake:
Barely. Thank god i got sick over the weekend. Having to go to work like this would have killed me!
Ang:
yeah, feeling lousy at work is the worst. take care of yourself!

Here is my new plan:
Ang:
Are you familiar with mason jennings' music at all?
Jake:
Not really...why?
Ang:
oh, really? you should totally check him out. he is amazing. i met him a couple months ago and told him he is my spiritual guru and got all gusy. haha they
Ang:
have most of his music up on his site. masonjennings.com : )
Jake:
Okay. I will check him out. Thanks : )

I am going to wait a couple days and ask if he has listened to him at all. If he likes him, Mason has a concert here on the 4th. I will say something like, "And, of course, you'd be welcome to stay here...but I only have one bedroom and my love seat is too small for a normal-sized person to sleep on. If you're fine with it, I have a huge bed and you'd be welcome to have a sleepover with Mitzvah (my cat) and me." I'm trying to decide if I should suggest rounding up an air mattress or not...? And if i would put my pjs on in the bathroom? And if I have to work in the morning and he is still sleeping, can i kiss him goodbye on his forehead? OMG. I need to stop analyzing. And I need to see him. NOW.

If Slaughterhouses Had Glass Walls, Everyone Would Be Vegetarian

I went vegetarian in June. (Pescatarian, if you want to get technical...I still eat fish.) I'd always contemplated it, often feeling guilty about eating meat. I tried for awhile to eat only "happy" meat (free range, grass fed, and whathaveyou), but my family didn't seem to understand what that meant. Justin is vegetarian and - I'll be honest - that played a SMALL part in me giving it a whirl. Anyway, I'm enjoying it. I don't have to feel guilty about eating the animals, I'm helping reduce my carbon footprint, etc.
I do crave meat, though, still. Yesterday I smelled McDonald's and instantly wanted a Crispy Chicken Sandwich. I know! I didn't even eat the shit when I did eat meat! I've been thinking about going back to eating meat for a few weeks. I said I'd give vegetarianism a try, and I did. But...can I? In good conscience, can I? I think I need some more time to think about it. And IF I do go back...I'm not telling my family. : P

Warning: The video below is not for the faint of heart, mind, or stomach.


Find out more at Meat.org.

(The above does not mean I am a fan of PETA. I just think people should know some of the stuff in the video. End of story.)

Also, my cousin was telling me today (I was half asleep, so I'll have to get more info later) that she saw some program today about farmed in China. Apparently they're dumping the sewage into the water and then giving fish lots of antibiotics and crapola to keep them alive in the (literally) shitty water. Ugh. It's so hard being informed, isn't it? : P

(Apparently I like parentheses today. Huh.)

High School

I ran into one of the popular girls from HS at Target while in college. "Give me a call sometime, 'Mang.' We should hang out." Fuck that shit.

I Heart H.P.

The Harry Potter movie comes out this week. Here is a funny preview: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MahTKZDHXaA

If you haven't listened to Jim Dale read the books yet, you haven't lived. Fix that here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wwhZKlWWR3Y

I am addicted.

SugarDaddy.com

I had a few glasses of wine with Briana and her roommates last night while playing board games. Briana convinced me to let her sign me up for SugarDaddy.com. I am now a "Sugar Baby Female" searching for a Sugar Daddy. My user name is SnowWhiteRose. And here I am, thanks to Bri:

Gender:		SugarBaby
Age:		25
Divorced
Caucasian
I will let you know later
Average 5'3" 160 cm

About Me: Sweet, intelligent, kind woman looking for her prince charming (or king!) to serve. Needs a partner who can share dreams, ideas, and passions, while still fulfilling physically and emotionally. In return can provide the warm, loving, comfortable home that every man desires. What I'm Looking For Seeking a man, mentally and emotionally. Someone who is confident, mature, and sophisticated, but still able to be adventurous and uninhibited. Those open to intellectual and spiritual growth, but at the same time understanding and respecting their own limits and needs.

Has Briana found her calling? It seems she has. I woke up this morning and had a message already from a man who describes himself as "big & burly" and is clearly lying about his age. I have gotten two more messages today, one of them stating a "classy silver fox" has been "aroused." Another wants to know if we can do dinner. Hahaha. Would I actually go to dinner? Who knows. New Angela...she's a crazy one. ; )

How to Use a Butterfly Clip in Hair | eHow.com

How to Use a Butterfly Clip in Hair | eHow.com

OMG. Remember these? : )

Men. Ugh. (Travis)

Travis was the love of my 7th and 8th grade life. I was too shy and awkward to talk...but he knew I adored him and he milked it for all it was worth. When I broke my shoulder doing hurdles in track I had to wear an awful, awful brace and he called me Velcro Woman. I was embarrassed but couldn't help loving the attention.
In 9th grade someone else came along and I forgot about Travis. We probably said less than 10 sentences to each other throughout the rest of H.S. After our first year of college we both transferred to CSS. We ran into each other on campus a few times and did the head nod and "Hey, how's it going." (<--Said with a period because nobody actually expects/gives a response.) I left my alcoholic/cheating husband at the end of May. I had a really fast relationship with Justin (you'll find out about him later, I promise) that was a disaster. After a few flirtatious FB chats Travis and I agreed that he would buy me dinner next time I was up in his area. I was elated. When getting ready for the date I was so excited I could scarcely apply my fucking eyeshadow because my hand was shaking so badly. Had I gained weight since HS? Was I really going to be able to show him I'm less shy? Why did I have to have an Italian grandmother (bless her) who passed on the female 'stache? Was my ex-husband serious when he said he could feel it when he kissed me? Should I bleach it? Do we HAVE any bleach?! Why hadn't I just waxed it? How was I going on a date with Travis who is clearly so much cooler than I?
The date was super, duper fun. I had planned on staying at my friend Rachel's house, only that flopped and Travis invited me to stay over. I couldn't find my toothbrush. Travis said he had an extra somewhere and was unable to locate it. He gave me his to use and I accepted. As I stood there at the sink with Travis' toothbrush in my mouth...I could not stop smiling. It felt like my cheeks were going to split. What would my 13 year-old self say if she knew I was standing here using his toothbrush?
We went to bed and he kissed me. Lots. It was wonderful. Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful! After boring make out sessions with Justin involving no tongue and kisses like he gives his son...wow! Travis stuck his tongue in my mouth and I was like, "Pa-raise the Lord!" I couldn't stop smiling. Travis kept touching my cheeks and telling me how cute my dimples were. It was amazing.
We had one other date that was about the same. Lots of 4 am phone conversations and flirtations. Then he invited me to Halloween at his house. What's that? You want to know what my FABULOUS self decided to dress up as? VELCRO WOMAN. Boo-ya! I fuckin' sewed that cape, shirt, headband, wristbands and mask. And found a brace. That's right. A-ma-zing. And how adorable, right? Our little inside joke... I am going to be the best girlfriend ever to whoever this guy is gonna end up being. I know it. I mean...I brought Travis lunch at work once, I sent him a coupon in the mail for a free back massage when I knew he was having a rough week. I love doing that kind of stuff.
So, anyway, Sunday was a big day for me. It was the day I got dumped for the first time. Divorced, 25 years old...and I just got dumped. Although, I don't know that it technically qualifies as being dumped because I'm not sure Travis and I were technically "together" enough for that. At any rate, he fed me some lines which may or may not be true: "I'm too messed up for a relationship right now," and "I'm not happy with myself," etc, etc. I mean, I know that it's true...but I don't know that he knows that it's true, you know what I mean?
So, that was Sunday. Tuesday night I went to bed at 12 or 12:30ish. At 1:30 am Travis texted me and it sounded like he needed to talk, like he was going to have some sort of emotional outpour. Right. That's exactly what happened. Read on and be HORRIFIED (T for Trav, A for Ang):


T
just know ur a cute gal and u can make guys stop in their tracks
A
haha. :):)
thank you
likewise, my friend. likewise.
T
i always wanted to be a cute gal
A
i know. that's totally why i said that...
T
and to think i spend so much time trimming
A
trimming?
T
lol
ur too innocent im sorry
A
alright...urban dictionary it is
T
it means taking care of ur bush
A
oh, that
well i know what that is
T
are u srue u do?
A
i thought you were meaning something more pervy
yesss...
T
cuz i remember a hearty bush lol
:):)
A
oh my...
well
trimming doesn't mean chopping it all off, i guess
fuck, travis. you're so damn blunt.
my face is getting sunburnt.
T
sorry
A
you said i'm kind of a hippie, right? hippie woman = hairy. so there.
T
pretty much but i was hoping for a landscaped trail
A
well, i waxed my bikini line and...why am i explaining this to you?
geez, shit.
T
i guess i was use to the whore girl that shaves it all
A
oh, gosh. ow, ow, ow.
that is like having sex with a little girl
i did that once. never again.
T
yeah cuz hairy means old
A
no, hairy means post-puberty
shit, travis, we women have enough hair to remove.
T
it does if u make it fit a figure not just a jungle bush
a simple triangle works
A
alright, are ya trying to be a dick here, or what?
T
just trying to help ya for future moments
A
well, i think i'll be alright. i don't know what kind of women you hang out with...but most of my girlfriends are the same.
T
i trimmed to the balls for ya jus tsaying
if u want someone to be there try to trim the hair
:P:P
A
oh my.
T
but on a bright side those ta tas as still great
A
right.
T
is true, they are very perky and damn damn damn sexy
At this point I sent him (in his inbox) the chapter from The Vagina Monologues called "Hair."

You cannot love a vagina unless you love hair. Many people do not love hair. My first and only husband hated hair. He said it was cluttered and dirty. He made me shave my vagina. It looked puffy and exposed and like a little girl. This excited him. When he made love to me my vagina felt the way a beard must feel. It felt good to rub it and painful. Like scratching a mosquito bite. It felt like it was on fire. There were screaming red bumps.

I refused to shave it again. Then my husband had an affair. When we went to marital therapy, he said he screwed around because I wouldn’t please him sexually. I wouldn’t shave my vagina. The therapist has a German accent and gasped (gasp) between sentences (gasp) to show her empathy. She asked me why I didn’t want to please my husband. I told her I thought it was weird. I felt little when my hair was gone down there and I couldn’t help talking in a baby voice and the skin got irritated and even calamine lotion wouldn’t help it. She told me marriage was a compromise.

I asked her if shaving my vagina would stop him from screwing around. I asked her if she had many cases like this before. She said that questions diluted the process. I needed to jump in. She was sure it was a good beginning.

This time, when we got home, he got to shave my vagina. It was like a therapy bonus prize. He clipped it a few times and there was a little blood in the bathtub. He didn’t even notice it cause he was so happy shaving me. Then, later, when my husband was pressing against me, I could feel his spiky sharpness sticking into me, my naked puffy vagina. There was no protection. There was no fluff.

I realized then that hair is there for a reason – it’s the leaf around the flower, the lawn around the house. You have to love hair in order to love the vagina. You can’t pick the parts you want. And besides, my husband never stopped screwing around.

T

we all want a story like that

A

it's her bush. she can leave it if she wants.

T

so a guy can do that same??

A

there is no law saying when you get married he gets to control her pubic hair.

yeah. psh. i don't care

T

i ask her to do it before we get married and yes im a dick

A

hair is supposed to be there.

T

ill trim it for her!!

A

yeah, 'cause that's sexy...

T

if i want someone to go down there ill take care of the ish

A

i would never be upset if a guy didn't want to cut his bush off. as long as it doesn't smell bad down there.

T

ive done the figure 8 before

cuze a gal didnt take care of herself

A

i'm clean, i wax my bikini line, and i do trim, thank you very much. and that's that.

T

im a terribler person im aware

A

figure 8?

T

u go to go down on a gall but its not kosher so u swing right back up

the figure 7

8

A

oh

T

not everyone had ur sugar tits lol

A

this is probably the most disgusting conversation i've ever had...

:/

T

but i think they are great??

A

yeah, but...you're just...so tactless, really.

T

lol im glad to make u be a real person and pick sides

A

i mean, i'm not just some girl you brought home from teh bar, ya know?

what's that supposed to mean?

T

it means ur a real gal and u stand up for urself

ur beyond me ad we have coverded

A

well...that's what i've been doing for the last 20 min.

i'm beyond you?

T

yeah cuz im a minute to minute guy and ur a serious gal

A

i have to say, when i told andrea you'd told me that i had nice "ta-tas" she said, "wow, trav. wow."

T

why must u tell andrea everything???

A

bc that's what women do

T

lol

da,m

she knows enough

A

and i had to ask if she thought it was weird, too

T

fair enough

im a failier

A

well...no. you just need to learn some tact and some wooing skills.

T

lol yeah ok

A

and don't try to have sex with a girl one night and then when she sits through two football games because she wants to cuddle with you act like she has cooties...

T

lol

u cant compare me to local gals

A

uh, what?

T

and im ready for bed

A

alright. well...thanks for flattering and humiliating me all at once...

sleep well

I logged off. Then he texted me about cuddling. Dream on, loser. What a pig, right? Well, moving on...